Sunday, June 04, 2006

"Sometimes, you do my job for me."

As is my custom, I spend a majority of my money on purchasing magazines and other superfluous luxuries, like chais and designer jeans. And yes, yes, I know I could probably save a bundle with a magazine subscription, but there is something so fucking sanctimonious about waltzing into the bodega down the corner and finding my new glossies, just twinkling under the fluorescent lighting, waiting for me to consume their every take on style. Though I'm a huge Vogue fanatic, there is only so much couture and stoic, WASPy society girls my stomach lining can handle, so I've become quite charmed by Teen Vogue as of recently. I mean, sure, you could arch your eyebrow at this admission, considering I'm an "adult" and what self-respecting adult reads "tween lit" and heeds its advice on how to properly wear summer shorts (fyi: with a button-down secretary blouse) or how to garner an internship with Chanel (it helps if you're already rich). But like, fuck it. It's not like it's "Goosebumps" or anything.... Anyhoo, so yeah, I'm a huge Teen Vogue fan and never miss an issue (no matter which underage twat is gracing the over), until now.... I mean, really? Lauren Conrad from "Laguna Beach"?!? Teen Vogue I expected more from you--in fact, I demand more. The likes of Nicole Richie, Beyonce, Kirsten Dunst, and Mischa have always kept this magazine seeming less mainstream and somewhat charmed. But now, you've all but written the invitations to the tacky beasts of the world to come and consume your publication, all whilst donning their prized pair of Rocketdog platform flip flops and ubiquitous camisoles (which are really supposed to be worn as undergarments), as their three-year old Sevens dangle under their pierced belly buttons. Shame on you, Teen Vogue, shame on you! I mean, if you wanted a lesser-known fashionista to be your cover girl, I wasn't doing anything that couldn't have been cancelled, y'know? Jeez....

Um, amazing